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05.09.2013, 19:52:45

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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

05.09.2013, 11:09:13

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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

05.09.2013, 11:08:50

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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

04.09.2013, 17:00:49

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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

04.09.2013, 17:00:36

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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

04.09.2013, 8:31:59

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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

04.09.2013, 8:31:43

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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

03.09.2013, 23:56:23

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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

03.09.2013, 23:56:15

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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

03.09.2013, 14:59:03

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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

03.09.2013, 14:58:31

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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

03.09.2013, 6:33:17

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

03.09.2013, 6:33:09

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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

03.09.2013, 0:03:52

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02.09.2013, 21:43:46

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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

02.09.2013, 21:43:45

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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

02.09.2013, 12:51:42

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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

02.09.2013, 12:51:20

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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

02.09.2013, 4:40:09

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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

02.09.2013, 4:39:47

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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

01.09.2013, 21:21:56

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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

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But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

01.09.2013, 12:27:00

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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

01.09.2013, 4:23:43

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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

31.08.2013, 20:09:01

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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

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